Travelling from Cardiff to Newcastle was starting to become a real problem. Flights from Cardiff would see me arrive a day early and leave a day after everyone else. Trains would take six hours and cost a small fortune. I also wasn’t sure of the start time of the tournament so guessed that I would have to leave Cardiff at six in the morning. Driving would logistically pose the same problems.
Eventually I posted an SOS on the RTR forum to meet up with someone on the Friday for a few pints and hopefully share a lift with on the Saturday. Luckily for me Dave “no cash” answered my call.
I had only met Dave once before but that was enough to convince me to jump in my car on Friday morning and head for Blackpool. Dave is one of these rare beasts that can drink his own body weight and he doesn’t care what is put in front of him. I’ve seen him start on Stella, move onto Guinness, have a swift couple of beers before ending with a few ciders. Add in all the Jamieson Whiskey he puts away as well and he’s a handful to go out boozing with. My kind of guy.
I got to Blackpool about two thirty in the afternoon and had a wander around whilst waiting for Dave to finish work. The one thing I can be 100% certain on is that at quarter past three I was in a pub called the Castle drinking my first Guinness.
I met with Dave shortly after that and we had a couple of swiftys in some Irish bars before heading for something to eat with another drink, of course. By this time I think we were on Cider but am not certain.
Next up was the legendary Tower Lounge. Legendary is their description not mine but it was interesting. It reminded me of the night club in the second Bourne film where the Russian assassin is drinking vodka surrounded by a load of gorgeous Women. The club is bouncing and the music is blaring out. He gets a call and walks out and it’s daylight. The Tower Lounge was exactly the same. There were stag nights, hen nights, drunks, idiots, the whole spectrum. We were drinking our third cider in there and I happened to glance at the main entrance. It was a glorious sunny day, six in the evening when you would expect it to be about midnight.
By eight o’clock we must have had ten plus pints. Everything was starting to get a bit messy.
I know we watched a Rugby match on the TV in a Weatherspoons pub and we got chatting to some girls on a hen night in another bar. At some point in the evening Dave suggested we head to the Grosvenor Casino to play some cash.
When the taxi pulled up outside the front door of the Casino I fell out. And when I say fell out I mean fell out. I crawled on my hands and knees to the bouncer who was stood shaking his head and used his suit jacket and tie to pull myself up. He wasn’t impressed and immediately told us we were too drunk to come in. I say “we” but he meant “me”. Dave tried to argue our case pointing out that we were so bladdered we were bound to do a few hundred at the tables. The bouncer was having none of it though so we headed back to the bars. It is at this point that I officially can remember nothing.
Where we ended up is unknown but I was sat at the bar speaking to some random people and Dave started playing pool. At some point Dave beat some guy and gave him a mouthful before doing a little winners dance in front of him. The guy took exception and swung the pool cue at him. Dave punched him and the guys mates who were stood behind Dave jumped in. Dave can remember curling up into a ball as these guys pummelled him and then being rolled out of the door by the bouncers. About half an hour later I walked out and asked him where he had been. Some wing man I am.
Dave thinks we called it a night at this point and headed back to his house. The time was unknown. From the little bits I can remember I guess we averaged two pints an hour up until midnight. Not the best way for the two of us to start the weekend off with a serious game of poker coming up and the reputation of RTR to uphold.
Day two tomorrow.
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
NPF Team poker tournament - an outline
I'm sure you all know I was heading to Newcastle last weekend for the above tournament. Well, it was a mad weekend. To write it up in one blog post would take about ten thousand words and the patience of a Saint to read in one sitting. I'm therefore going to split it into a three parter.
Before I start I might as well point out that there is only two things I'm certain of:
1. I texted Dave "No Cash" at 15.15pm on Friday from a pub in Blackpool whilst I was having my first pint of Guinness;
2. In the 63 hours that followed I was drinking for 50 of them.
Twenty years ago when I was young, dumb and full of drugs that wouldn't have been a problem. In fact it was probably happening quite regularly. These days though, I'm too old to keep up with the young bucks and by God I'm paying for it now.
But now is now and last weekend is a blurred memory of Guinness, cider, poker and laughs. I wish I had taken notes every hour and then I could have done a chronological write up which might have resembled fact. As it is I'm going from brief memories and recollections which kind of happens when you drink solidly for 50 hours.
One thing I do remember though is the amount of effort the Newcastle Poker Forum went into making the event a great one. I'd also like to thank Mik from Raise the River for inviting me.
The tournament was an outstanding financial success for me as I'm now in a position to lease my name to the other nine members of the RTR team who managed, along with myself, to score the massive sum of zero points. Quite a few people there reckoned we were fortunate to have got zero. One thing is for certain, I'm there next year if invited.
Anyhow, I'll be posting what I can recall over the next few days. I met quite a lot of people and was pleasantly surprised to find that a few of them read this shit regularly and actually seem to enjoy it. The reports will take in twelve hours in Blackpool that I can't remember, a twenty one hour drinking session spoilt only by a game of poker and a further seventeen and a half hour session in which I won and lost some money. Interspersed in all this frantic drinking is a poker tournament, a three foot midget painted from head to toe in blue and dressed up as smurf, Paul Gascoigne, lap dancers, fights, seventeen Premier Inns, Snake cashing, getting hopelessly lost in Scotland (DoV), rimming, one liners, last longer bets which I may or may not be able to talk about (Mike, Lou?), dildos, personal hygiene issues, a Woman with the biggest box ever, bouncers with no sense of humour and a whole lot more. Strangely there were no guns involved.
Stay tuned.
Before I start I might as well point out that there is only two things I'm certain of:
1. I texted Dave "No Cash" at 15.15pm on Friday from a pub in Blackpool whilst I was having my first pint of Guinness;
2. In the 63 hours that followed I was drinking for 50 of them.
Twenty years ago when I was young, dumb and full of drugs that wouldn't have been a problem. In fact it was probably happening quite regularly. These days though, I'm too old to keep up with the young bucks and by God I'm paying for it now.
But now is now and last weekend is a blurred memory of Guinness, cider, poker and laughs. I wish I had taken notes every hour and then I could have done a chronological write up which might have resembled fact. As it is I'm going from brief memories and recollections which kind of happens when you drink solidly for 50 hours.
One thing I do remember though is the amount of effort the Newcastle Poker Forum went into making the event a great one. I'd also like to thank Mik from Raise the River for inviting me.
The tournament was an outstanding financial success for me as I'm now in a position to lease my name to the other nine members of the RTR team who managed, along with myself, to score the massive sum of zero points. Quite a few people there reckoned we were fortunate to have got zero. One thing is for certain, I'm there next year if invited.
Anyhow, I'll be posting what I can recall over the next few days. I met quite a lot of people and was pleasantly surprised to find that a few of them read this shit regularly and actually seem to enjoy it. The reports will take in twelve hours in Blackpool that I can't remember, a twenty one hour drinking session spoilt only by a game of poker and a further seventeen and a half hour session in which I won and lost some money. Interspersed in all this frantic drinking is a poker tournament, a three foot midget painted from head to toe in blue and dressed up as smurf, Paul Gascoigne, lap dancers, fights, seventeen Premier Inns, Snake cashing, getting hopelessly lost in Scotland (DoV), rimming, one liners, last longer bets which I may or may not be able to talk about (Mike, Lou?), dildos, personal hygiene issues, a Woman with the biggest box ever, bouncers with no sense of humour and a whole lot more. Strangely there were no guns involved.
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, 27 April 2010
Name change
When I started this blog I didn't think for one second I would have to meet people who read it. The first time I did I discovered very quickly why "Rubbish@poker" was such a shite title.
"Hi, I'm rubbish, who are you?"
This weekend I'm on the RTR team bash in Newcastle and will be meeting people for the first time. With that in mind you will notice my Blog has changed title.
I had a few names in mind including:
Hi, I shagged Cheryl Cole up the arse
Hi, I'm Jeremy Clarkson's love child
Hi, I've got a 14 inch dick
Hi, I'm one for one on RTR do's
I've gone with "pleased to meet you" just to piss people off.
Random bloke - "Who are you mate?"
Me - "I'm pleased to meet you, now fuck off".
Later.
"Hi, I'm rubbish, who are you?"
This weekend I'm on the RTR team bash in Newcastle and will be meeting people for the first time. With that in mind you will notice my Blog has changed title.
I had a few names in mind including:
Hi, I shagged Cheryl Cole up the arse
Hi, I'm Jeremy Clarkson's love child
Hi, I've got a 14 inch dick
Hi, I'm one for one on RTR do's
I've gone with "pleased to meet you" just to piss people off.
Random bloke - "Who are you mate?"
Me - "I'm pleased to meet you, now fuck off".
Later.
Thursday, 22 April 2010
Newcastle nights out that I sort of remember.
Next weekend I'm off to Blackpool and Newcastle on a Poker jolly with the RTR crew. I've only ever been to Blackpool once and I think I may have blogged about it before. I've been to Newcastle three times but can only remember two of them. How bizzare is that?
The first time in Newcastle was probably the best. Seven of us had decided to drive to Edinburgh for the Rugby. We set off on the Thursday but the snow was so bad we had to take refuge in Newcastle for the night. We stopped off in a place called Whitley Bay and found a cheap B & B for the night.
The guy who ran it was a good laugh and we had a couple of beers with him before heading off to a pub. The snow was coming down in a blizzard and we were just about to leave when he stopped us.
"Don't bother wearing coats boys, you'll get in the first pub, end up taking them off and someone will nick them".
We took his advice allthough walking to the pub in a foot of snow, shivering like fuck, I seriously doubted whether I would be taking a coat off.
I can't remember the name of the pub but as we walked in the heat hit us like a punch in the face and the first thing we saw was the barmaid dancing on the bar in a bikini. What a town.
The next morning we got up, seriously hung over. Dave and I had both decided that Edinburgh could go fuck itself and we were staying for the weekend. Big G agreed and that was that. We asked the guy if we could stay for a couple more days and he laughed.
"I've already reserved the rooms for you boys because I knew you wouldn't be going anywhere after a night out here".
On the Friday night we met a gang of Scots boys who were on a stag weekend and ended up having a laugh with them. After arranging to meet them to watch the match on the Saturday we ended up in some bar where Big G was chatting to this girl. In fairness G does allright with the Ladies but this girl was not having any of it and finally told him to fuck off as she was a Lesbian.
The next day we met the Scots in this pub and they dragged us off to another one because there were strippers there. The first two girls came on and did a lesbian show and you've guessed it, there was the girl who Big G had been chatting up. At least he knew that she wasn't lying and was a Lesbian.
Later that evening we fell foul of the local crime lord/drug dealer. G, who had the piss taken out of him all day, was dancing with this girl when some guy walks over and whispers something to her. Off she trots and G sits down with us whingeing like a good one. This girl starts arguing with some guy so G wanders over to see if sh's okay. This guy tells G to fuck off and a couple of big fuckers stand either side of G in a menacing manner. We are all clocking this and Dave nudges me and says "get ready".
One of the guys puts his hand on G's shoulder and he immediately elbows him in the face breaking his nose. The other guy gets a straight hand in the throat and he goes down gasping for breath. The crime lord stands up and pulls a gun on G and the whole place just stops. Unfortunately for this guy, he manages to pull a gun on the one person who had just spent a year in Rio and Sao Paulo, having guns pulled on him on a daily basis. G leans forward so that the gun is inches away from his forehead and questions whethe the guy has the bollocks to do it. Three hundred people are now watching this spectacle and we all stand next to G in a show of solidarity. This stand off only lasted a few seconds but it seemed like fucking hours. Eventually this guy laughs, puts the gun away and buys us all a beer. G pulls the girl and everyone lives to fight another day.
The second time I went to Newcastle is the one that I can't remember. I know it was a stag weekend and I know Dave and G were there. I also know that I had to travel up on my own because I had to work on the Friday on a concert. The only other thing I can recall is going to the Tuxedo Princess.
For those that don't know the Tuxedo Princess is a ship moored on the Tyne that has been turned into a giant Club. Three floors all playing dfferent music and these revolving dance floors that absolutely creased me, not once but three times. And always when I was holding about three pints. Other than that I can't remember fuck all about that weekend.
The last time I went was on another stag weekend. We went to Newcastle Rugby Club on the Saturday to watch Newcastle v Bath and and when we got to the ground there was a massive banner which read "MY DOG IS BETTER THAN MIKE CATT". Class.
Later.
The first time in Newcastle was probably the best. Seven of us had decided to drive to Edinburgh for the Rugby. We set off on the Thursday but the snow was so bad we had to take refuge in Newcastle for the night. We stopped off in a place called Whitley Bay and found a cheap B & B for the night.
The guy who ran it was a good laugh and we had a couple of beers with him before heading off to a pub. The snow was coming down in a blizzard and we were just about to leave when he stopped us.
"Don't bother wearing coats boys, you'll get in the first pub, end up taking them off and someone will nick them".
We took his advice allthough walking to the pub in a foot of snow, shivering like fuck, I seriously doubted whether I would be taking a coat off.
I can't remember the name of the pub but as we walked in the heat hit us like a punch in the face and the first thing we saw was the barmaid dancing on the bar in a bikini. What a town.
The next morning we got up, seriously hung over. Dave and I had both decided that Edinburgh could go fuck itself and we were staying for the weekend. Big G agreed and that was that. We asked the guy if we could stay for a couple more days and he laughed.
"I've already reserved the rooms for you boys because I knew you wouldn't be going anywhere after a night out here".
On the Friday night we met a gang of Scots boys who were on a stag weekend and ended up having a laugh with them. After arranging to meet them to watch the match on the Saturday we ended up in some bar where Big G was chatting to this girl. In fairness G does allright with the Ladies but this girl was not having any of it and finally told him to fuck off as she was a Lesbian.
The next day we met the Scots in this pub and they dragged us off to another one because there were strippers there. The first two girls came on and did a lesbian show and you've guessed it, there was the girl who Big G had been chatting up. At least he knew that she wasn't lying and was a Lesbian.
Later that evening we fell foul of the local crime lord/drug dealer. G, who had the piss taken out of him all day, was dancing with this girl when some guy walks over and whispers something to her. Off she trots and G sits down with us whingeing like a good one. This girl starts arguing with some guy so G wanders over to see if sh's okay. This guy tells G to fuck off and a couple of big fuckers stand either side of G in a menacing manner. We are all clocking this and Dave nudges me and says "get ready".
One of the guys puts his hand on G's shoulder and he immediately elbows him in the face breaking his nose. The other guy gets a straight hand in the throat and he goes down gasping for breath. The crime lord stands up and pulls a gun on G and the whole place just stops. Unfortunately for this guy, he manages to pull a gun on the one person who had just spent a year in Rio and Sao Paulo, having guns pulled on him on a daily basis. G leans forward so that the gun is inches away from his forehead and questions whethe the guy has the bollocks to do it. Three hundred people are now watching this spectacle and we all stand next to G in a show of solidarity. This stand off only lasted a few seconds but it seemed like fucking hours. Eventually this guy laughs, puts the gun away and buys us all a beer. G pulls the girl and everyone lives to fight another day.
The second time I went to Newcastle is the one that I can't remember. I know it was a stag weekend and I know Dave and G were there. I also know that I had to travel up on my own because I had to work on the Friday on a concert. The only other thing I can recall is going to the Tuxedo Princess.
For those that don't know the Tuxedo Princess is a ship moored on the Tyne that has been turned into a giant Club. Three floors all playing dfferent music and these revolving dance floors that absolutely creased me, not once but three times. And always when I was holding about three pints. Other than that I can't remember fuck all about that weekend.
The last time I went was on another stag weekend. We went to Newcastle Rugby Club on the Saturday to watch Newcastle v Bath and and when we got to the ground there was a massive banner which read "MY DOG IS BETTER THAN MIKE CATT". Class.
Later.
Monday, 19 April 2010
Monday's
A typical Monday.
Get up and hit the gym. Weights and then half hour on the running machine before a nice hot shower. My neighbour popped round earlier with a bottle of home brew, super strong, which I'll have this afternoon whilst watching a couple of DVD's. I've got a few spliffs already rolled for the Xbox tourney with the lads later on. After that I'll troll the gambling sites for an hour or so before watching some porn.
I fucking love prison!
Had that texted to me today and it would be funny if it wasn't so fucking true.
In the papers this morning is a story regarding Jon Venables. For anyone reading in the US of A who might not be aware, this guy perpetrated one of the worst crimes in living memory.
Along with his accomplice, Robert Thompson, they kidnapped and murdered a three year old boy. They were just ten years old at the time.
Now twenty seven, Jon Venables is back behind bars for downloading kiddie porn allthough I'm not sure you can call it prison. His cell is equipped with a flat screen HD TV, Nintendo game cube, gym equipment, music system, guitar, board games and a power shower.
What a fucking joke.
I could go on but I think I'll probably blow a gasket just thinking about the absurdity of it all.
Get up and hit the gym. Weights and then half hour on the running machine before a nice hot shower. My neighbour popped round earlier with a bottle of home brew, super strong, which I'll have this afternoon whilst watching a couple of DVD's. I've got a few spliffs already rolled for the Xbox tourney with the lads later on. After that I'll troll the gambling sites for an hour or so before watching some porn.
I fucking love prison!
Had that texted to me today and it would be funny if it wasn't so fucking true.
In the papers this morning is a story regarding Jon Venables. For anyone reading in the US of A who might not be aware, this guy perpetrated one of the worst crimes in living memory.
Along with his accomplice, Robert Thompson, they kidnapped and murdered a three year old boy. They were just ten years old at the time.
Now twenty seven, Jon Venables is back behind bars for downloading kiddie porn allthough I'm not sure you can call it prison. His cell is equipped with a flat screen HD TV, Nintendo game cube, gym equipment, music system, guitar, board games and a power shower.
What a fucking joke.
I could go on but I think I'll probably blow a gasket just thinking about the absurdity of it all.
Thursday, 15 April 2010
Who decides these things?
Watched a remake of V the other night which was okay. I suppose if you are going to remake an entire series then, in this day and age, a Sci Fi series would be the one you'd go for. But surely there are better programmes that have been made which could be revamped?
I never really watched Blakes Seven but I remember reading reviews where they slated the programme because the sets were so wooden along with the acting. And what about Buck Rogers in the 25th Century? Or Logans run or the Twilight Zone? My favourite though for a remake would be the Man from UNCLE.
And what about films? I would love to see an updated version of Jack the Giant Killer. Don't know if you have ever seen it but it always used to be shown on New Years Day for some reason. I think the Sinbad movies would also look good if they were made now.
When I was a kid I used to read the 2000AD comic (sad I know). There was one series about how humans had killed all animals so used time travel to go back to prehistoric age to kill Dinosaurs and transport them back to present time for food. Now, that would be a good TV programme. Who decides these things?
Arsenal lost to Spuds yesterday, kinda thought they would. The worst thing about this though is Would Be and Joppa have shut down their blogs. Real shame this as I'm guessing there was a lot of banter amongst those two on MSN yesterday and today.
I've noticed quite a few people have shut their blogs down recently. Tennyson has disappeared. So has Madame Nikki. Shame as I really liked their blogs. There was also one called happily after ever by a South African girl which ended abruptly. I always fear the worse when something like that happens especially when they live somewhere as violent as South Africa. Hope she's okay.
Anyhow, got any good ideas for remake TV programmes or films?
I never really watched Blakes Seven but I remember reading reviews where they slated the programme because the sets were so wooden along with the acting. And what about Buck Rogers in the 25th Century? Or Logans run or the Twilight Zone? My favourite though for a remake would be the Man from UNCLE.
And what about films? I would love to see an updated version of Jack the Giant Killer. Don't know if you have ever seen it but it always used to be shown on New Years Day for some reason. I think the Sinbad movies would also look good if they were made now.
When I was a kid I used to read the 2000AD comic (sad I know). There was one series about how humans had killed all animals so used time travel to go back to prehistoric age to kill Dinosaurs and transport them back to present time for food. Now, that would be a good TV programme. Who decides these things?
Arsenal lost to Spuds yesterday, kinda thought they would. The worst thing about this though is Would Be and Joppa have shut down their blogs. Real shame this as I'm guessing there was a lot of banter amongst those two on MSN yesterday and today.
I've noticed quite a few people have shut their blogs down recently. Tennyson has disappeared. So has Madame Nikki. Shame as I really liked their blogs. There was also one called happily after ever by a South African girl which ended abruptly. I always fear the worse when something like that happens especially when they live somewhere as violent as South Africa. Hope she's okay.
Anyhow, got any good ideas for remake TV programmes or films?
Monday, 12 April 2010
I'm still alive honest.
Been missing in action for awhile now so just a quick post to promise to be on here a lot more in the coming weeks.
Work has been rediculously busy and I've just been so knackered I haven't bothered coming on here at all.
Poker has been non existant and I haven't played in two or three months. Of course this level of activty has been great practice for the RTR meet up in Newcastle next month.
Gambling was going great until two weeks ago when I lost £700 in three days. I then managed to claw most of ths back until I layed Tiger for a top five finish in the Masters and then suffered watching him luck out over four days to finish fourth and lose me another £500. I did have the winner of the National though for a few quid.
Apart from Newcastle I've got a stag weekend in May to somewhere as yet not decided or London if Cardiff City making the play off final.
I've also got two weddings and a Christening on the horizon. Basically, nice and quiet then for the next month.
It was my Mums birthday last week and whilst out shopping with my nipper she talked me into buying the Outnumbered series 1 DVD for her. Absolutely awesome if you've never watched it. Also been gettng super competitive on Mario Kart with her and we spent nine hours one Saturday racng each other much to my Wifes disgust.
Anyhow, got to get up in five hours so need to get some sleep. Hope everyone is okay and will be trawling your blogs over the next few days. Catch you all later.
Work has been rediculously busy and I've just been so knackered I haven't bothered coming on here at all.
Poker has been non existant and I haven't played in two or three months. Of course this level of activty has been great practice for the RTR meet up in Newcastle next month.
Gambling was going great until two weeks ago when I lost £700 in three days. I then managed to claw most of ths back until I layed Tiger for a top five finish in the Masters and then suffered watching him luck out over four days to finish fourth and lose me another £500. I did have the winner of the National though for a few quid.
Apart from Newcastle I've got a stag weekend in May to somewhere as yet not decided or London if Cardiff City making the play off final.
I've also got two weddings and a Christening on the horizon. Basically, nice and quiet then for the next month.
It was my Mums birthday last week and whilst out shopping with my nipper she talked me into buying the Outnumbered series 1 DVD for her. Absolutely awesome if you've never watched it. Also been gettng super competitive on Mario Kart with her and we spent nine hours one Saturday racng each other much to my Wifes disgust.
Anyhow, got to get up in five hours so need to get some sleep. Hope everyone is okay and will be trawling your blogs over the next few days. Catch you all later.
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