Degenerates.com

So the biggest and most wildy anticipated match up in Poker history as fizzled out in double quick time. After 32 minutes of outlandish bluffing, bad beats and cold decks, Joppa and Would be called it a day with Would be holding a $5 lead. Would be then proceeded to spunk it all off on a cash table therefore handing the win to Joppa. This situation is now escalating into the largest bitch fest since Jordan and Peter Andre split up with both sides claiming the win. I'm siding with Joppa but the jury is still out.
Now, don't think I'm being disparging by calling them both degenerates, that's their discription of themselves. And who isn't a degenerate these days, be it poker, gambling, shoes, chocolate pudding. Every blog I read has degenerate tendancies whether the writer realises them or not. I'm no exception but I'm ten times better than I was.
Five years ago my mate Dave and I are walking to a club when we turn a corner to see five guys kicking the shit out of some poor sap. We look at each other and give a resigned shrug before diving in. Dave takes two of them out and I floor another one. One guy starts unloading punches at me and I'm desperately trying not to get tagged when someone grabs me from behind. I quickly lean forward and then jolt my head backwards catching the guy flush. I quickly turn around to finish him off and stop in my tracks. It's only a uniformed copper doubled up with blood pissing out of his nose. Another copper comes from nowhere and takes me out with Dave protesting our innocence.
We get to the station, Dave and I plus the five pricks, ironically the guy we had jumped in to help had scarpered at the first opportunity. I'm charged with affray, GBH and assaulting a policeman. Dave and I are given a phone and told to make one call. Dave rings a mate of his who's a Barrister. I ring Betfair and have £150 on Arsenal unquoted at 4.8.
As it happens we were only in the cells for an hour. Daves mate turns up and raises hell. A couple of witnesses had also come forward in the meantime, one basically told the Police that we were heroes and should have got a medal. All charges finally got dropped against us but Dave still brings up my choice of call even now. My rationale was I was going to be in clink for a good few hours and the Arsenal game was an early kick off. They won 5-1.
What can I say, my name's Rubbish and I'm a fucking degenerate.

Quick update - the Challenge part two is up and running after Would Be admitted defeat. Interesting pic on his blog, stop by and have a gander.

Not well

My Daughter's had the flu which now means my Wife and I have it.
Played the bloggerment last night but I had such a migraine I ended up bombing out in double quick time so that I could go back to bed.
Went to work today but was back home and in bed by 11.00am.
My birthday tomorrow and I'll be in bed all day again but not in a good way.
Back later in the week when I'm hopefully migraine, chesty cough, runny nose, free.
Later.
Edit:
My Wife and Daughter have come up trumps with series 3 and 4 of the Sopranos. This has only reminded me of a previous post though about that sanctamonious twat Christian O 'Connell and the theme tune World Cup. I was driving into work two weeks ago and he is on about the Final which is between Knight Rider and the Professionals. What a fucking joke.
Where was the Sopranos? "Woke up this morning and got myself a gun". How cool is that for an opening line of a theme tune.
Also, Hawaii five O? I bet you're all humming that one in your head now? And Miami Vice? How are these not in the final?
And of course the best theme song ever. The Bannana splits. How the fuck isn't that the best one ever?
Anyhow, thanks for all the get well soon comments and Mo, your blog's fucked mate, Karma.

Bloggerment - 15th November - the true version of events

This is what happened. Don't believe anything else you might read, those RTR bastards make it all up.
Fifteen of the greatest Poker players and Dd assembled last night for the return of the greatest Poker Tournament outside of the WSOP. If $80 in prize money wasn't enough incentive, the knowledge of winning an event not even Ivey, Hellmuth, Antonius or Yorkie Pud has won in the past was surely motivation enough for the assembled Poker luminaries.
After a tense opening exchange where players jockyed for supremacy, 2008 APAT Champion, Mair
made a massive play, re-raising DoV (donking obliterates variance) pre flop with AcKc. DoV re-raised Mair all in with 6 4 off and hit quad 4's.
Next out was No Cash who jammed with Kings only to lose to DoV who hit runner runner 5's whilst holding 5 2, a fact made more incredible as they were on different tables.
Zagga exited next when DoV flopped a full house on a non paired board.
Unlucky thirteenth was Al Eleven, an American fish who commented in fluent Scottish.
Twelth was Kronsdat who, short stacked, went all in with AA to lose to DoV's 6 3 off when he made a river straight.
The big Boss went next overplaying QQ against DoV's 7 4 off.
The most remarkable performance of the evening went to Mik who finished in tenth, his highest finish since June 2001 when he managed a credible 8/17. Rumours that Mik had eight accounts on the go at that time are as yet unproven.
Weegem bombed in ninth when his flopped quads ran into DoV's fifth straight flush in a row.
Maybe the biggest surprise was Amatay reaching 22.00 without falling asleep. Another rivered straight flush, this time by Joppa, saw the wankmeister scuttle off to his pit early. This was quite a pleasing moment for yours truly who had a little side bet that JR would finish higher than the Watford Wank machine. A nice little $10k for moi although if the fish had won I would have been in to him for a years supply of tissues, a damn sight more than $10k I can tell you.
The Cloud departed next when his top set was no good against DoV's 4 high straight.
1tripz1 (whom I'm sure has a blog but I can't find it) crashed in sixth to a DoV 5 2 special.
Dd bombed next to your favourite blogger, when his AQ suited was no match to my 22 on a AQ2 flop (raise pre next time Dave and I might fold). This landed me another bounty, deep fried of course, from Scotlands finest.
Joppa bubbled in fourth, a remarkable achievement since he was 97 tabling at the time.
I went out in third when my raise on a AcKc x board was called by DoV with 2c3c for a standard 3 high rivered flush.
That left DoV and Kev heads up. The final hand was a corker. Kev, holding AcAd raised all in on a AhAs10h flop not realising he was miles behind. DoV snap called with Qh2d for a Jh turn and Kh river and an elusive Royal Flush, his 47th this week.
Notable absentees were Cogs, the Brighton badger, who has now taken over from Amatay as Britains laziest man and is hibernating until March 2010. Snake and Ant1966 were also missing allthough I'm still convinced they're one in the same (have you ever seen them in the same room)? Mr O , the only pussy whipped scouser, was another who failed to appear. No excuses next week fishies, RTR expects.
If anyone who reads this shite fancies a game, feel free to join us next week. Only thing you need to know is, if DoV raises, fold.
Later.

Another mad week

So much for a recession. Work is so busy it's beyond a fucking joke now. Our order book is full right up to Xmas break and that's with us working between 10 to 20 hours overtime per person every week. Madness.
My Daughters 11th birthday yesterday. Can't believe how quickly the time has passed. My Missus is only 4 foot 10 (same size as Kylie by all accounts)and had quite a difficult pregnancy. Obviously, this meant I had quite a difficult one as well. Anyhow, she was in hospital for four days before my Daughter was born and I was starting to worry. Thankfully my Daughter came into the world on a Tuesday afternoon which meant I could go to Wembley on the Wednesday for Wales V New Zealand on the Saturday. Needless to say Wales lost but not even that could dampen my spirits and I finally came home on the Sunday, pissed as a rat, to a mouthfull of abuse. And that was just my Daughter.
Every Birthday since then has coincided with a Welsh match because of the Autumn Internationals so I've ended up missing loads of her parties because of work. Now that I'm out of that game though we've had a couple of great times the last couple of years and had a brilliant night yesterday. My Missus and I plus a few of my Daughters mates went to a Chinese called Cosmos. I mention this because it was absolutely superb and there is a chain of these places across Britain. If you fancy a great night out with amazing food try it out. I suppose I have to make the most of the next couple of years because it wont be long before she's down the pub dropping a few E's and downing Vodka red bulls.
Tonight is going to be quite a sad night as our neighbours for the last thirteen years are moving tomorrow. When we moved in Sharon and Barry had three kids in their late teens to early twenties who were a great laugh. Since then we've been to three weddings, six Christenings, countless Birthday partys, stag nights and hen do's and sadly one Funeral. Sharons Dad, Pat, had lived with them for years and was a true Gentleman. He had served in the Special forces during the war and had won a VC for his deeds. He died two years ago and since all the kids had married and moved out Sharon has wanted to move. Barry, in my opinion, hasn't, but someone has made them an offer they can't refuse so they're off to the sticks tomorrow. We're going around tonight for a few beers which could turn into a massive session. I'll be sad to see them go.
Wales play Samoa tomorrow night and I've got to take my Daughter to ballet rehearsals so wont get back in time to go to the match. Might give my new neighbour a knock and take him up my local. Just hope he isn't fucking English! Watch this space.
Later.

Please God

Let Wales run good one time. Let us crush the mighty All Blacks with a vengance. Let Stephen Jones boot be true and bless Shane Williams with the speed and guile to dance around those Maori twats.

Guide me o thou great Jehova
Pilgrim through this barren land
I am week but thou are mighty
Lead me with thy powerful hand

Bread of heaven
Bread of heaven
Feed me til I want no more
Feed me til I want no more

Normal service returns next week.

Amen.

Off for a few days

Been working six day weeks for ages now and then snoozing on Sundays. To be honest I feel like I'm in a bit of a funk and can't be bothered to do anything. But I'm off now until Monday with my Daughter so crazy Golf, ten pin bowling and doing my bollocks for two hours in a cinema watching some crap film beckons.
It's Halloween on the weekend which I'm sure you are all aware of. Halloween doesn't really mean much to us Brits, certainly not as much as it seems to do in America. My Daughter though, having watched Disney Channel for ever and a day, loves it. I'm guessing it's all the Scooby Doo, Simpsons and latterly, Witches of Waverley etc. that has fuelled her imagination.
Personally, I can't stand all the trick and treating so the first time my Daughter asked me to take her I wasn't overly eager. I think she was about five at the time and I'd got home from work to find her waiting for me dressed up as a witch. She had a pumpkin which she and my Missus had made a mask out of in one hand and a bucket for all the sweets she was going to get in the other. I told my Wife that there was no way I was dragging her around houses where I didn't know anyone and we agreed that I would take her to houses in our block.
We started off by knocking our neighbours doors but no one was home. There's eight houses in our little block and I know everyone quite well so we visited everyone of them. If anyone was in they were definitely not answering. I could see the disappointment in my Daughters face so we jumped in the car.
"I'll take you to the boys houses babes, they'll have loads of chocolate."
Not one of the fuckers was home.
I started ringing them.
"Where are you?"
"In the pub, where are you?"
"Outside you house."
"Why?"
"Got my nipper with me, we're trick or treating."
"that's why I'm down the pub!"
After an hour I gave up and drove to Tescos. By now my Daughters bottom lip was trembling and I could sense a full scale breakdown was imminent. We walked down the sweet aisle and I told her to have whatever she wanted. By the time we got to the checkout she had about £20 worth of sweets in her bucket. As we queued she looked up at me, tears welling up in her eyes and exclaimed for everyone who cared to hear,
"This is the worst Halloween ever Dad!"
I couldn't help but smile since she was only five and this was the first time we had been trick or treating. The Woman in front of me burst out laughing but soon stopped when she saw the look on my little ones face. I quickly explained that we had been around loads of houses but no one was home.
"Don't worry love", she said to my Daughter, "let me get you something."
And with that she gave my Daughter a box of chocolates that she had just bought.
I protested but she was adamant.
Next up, the cashier walks off and comes back with a big bag of Halloween sweets, rings them through and says, "my treat babes".
The woman on the next checkout reaches over and places a Galaxy bar in my Daughters bucket, "happy Halloween", she offers.
Finally the Woman behind us says "Can you ring this through please", and gives my Daughter a big bag of Haribo lollys.
By the time we got home she had about £40 worth of sweets. I tell her not to say anything to her Mother about where we got all the sweets.
The next year My Wife takes her out and she immediately stands next to her car. My Missus looks at her and asks what she's doing? My Daughter says, "After last year Mam I think we're better off going to Tescos first".

Played a little poker last night. Won a few small buy in SNG's before bubbling on a $30 one. Hoping to play a bit this week seeing has I don't have to get up at redic O'clock for work.

I'm also halfway through my literary masterpiece. I'm hoping to finish it by next month so that I can post it throughout December.

Off to play Mario Kart on the Wi with my Daughter for an hour, little does she realise that her pocket money is at stake and I've been practicising.
Later.

My Daughter the genius part two plus the things you do for your mates

My Daughter is now in the last year of Primary School and the Comprehensive we are hoping she will get into had an open day last week. What an eye opener.
The School is in the top twenty in Britain and had a 99% pass rate last year in “A” levels. What really knocked me sideways were the extra curricular activities it offers. We pitched up a little early and the School orchestra were playing a few tunes. They kicked off with a medley of Blues Brothers tracks which were awesome. This girl then gets up with an acoustic and bangs out “Wonderwall” which was absolutely incredible. These three boys, maybe 12 or 13, get up on the stage and play “Don’t stop me now” by Queen which was also spot on. The whole lot of them then play The Verves “unfinished symphony” which, Richard Ashcroft’s attitude aside, was so good that if you closed your eyes you could picture him walking down the street barging people out of the way.
The Head Master then stood up to say a few words before the Head Boy and Girl also addressed everyone.
The Head Boy was about six foot two and had played Rugby for Welsh Schools. In the last two years he had been on tours to Australia, France, Spain and Italy. The Head Girl was clearly more academically inclined but was part of the School choir who had toured Canada the previous year.
This spotty little oik then gets up. He was about fifteen and after droning on for five minutes he mentions that he is a member of the debating society. I’m thinking so fucking what before he then mentions that last year he had represented the School in Washington and the year before in Athens.
Lastly, this young girl stands up to say a few words. She had been the only kid from her Primary School that had gone to this School so had started on the first day not knowing anyone. She told us all how friendly everyone was and how she had joined the after school clubs to make friends. She was a lovely kid and emphasised just how friendly the school is.
After this we were all given a guided tour. The School was fucking huge. They had a purpose built trampoline area where these fourteen year olds were giving a demonstration. Some of them were incredible. I got talking to the PE teacher who I sort of know from Rugby who told me that he would be disappointed if none of the children in his class didn’t get a shot at the Olympic team in three years time.
By the time I left this place my head was spinning and I was wondering who I would have to bribe to get my Daughter in there. She’s definitely got a great shot though and I’m 99% certain she will be given the go ahead in February.
Last night there was a parents teachers evening in her Primary School. My Missus and I were sat talking to her teacher who was very complimentary about her. After about five minutes she said “you must be very proud” which sort of threw me a bit. My Wife and I agreed that we were to which the teacher said “it’s a great opportunity for her”, which really confused the shit out of me. After a few glances between my Wife and I we both asked “what are you on about?” The teacher shot us a puzzled look and said “Hasn’t she told you? Four pupils from year 6 have been selected to go to Comprehensive School one afternoon a week to study with year 7 pupils in English and Maths. Your Daughter is the only one who has been put forward to do both. From the first week of November she’ll be going to Comp on Wednesday and Thursday afternoons”.
My Missus and I looked at each other before blurting out at the same time “Which Comprehensive School?” to which the teacher made my entire year by saying the one we are hoping she’ll get into next year.
Proud, I hear you say? Damn right I’m proud. In fact I’m so proud I bought her a laptop this morning for her Birthday next month which I’ve just given to her. Obviously, this now doesn’t count as a Birthday present but I don’t fucking care. This School is so good it’s almost criminal that it’s a state School and not Private. With one foot already in the door she would really have to do something stupid to not get in there and I can’t see her doing that.
Anyhow, onto other business.
Mo rang me in tears last week. Turns out his Wife hasn’t had an orgasm since they’ve been married. They went to a Doctor who suggested they had a fan in the bedroom which would cool his Wife down and relax her. Being a tight bastard, Mo asked me round and gave me a beach towel. So, I’m standing there swinging this towel above my head and Mo and his Wife are getting jiggy but I can tell there’s not a lot happening from her point of view. After about twenty minutes Mo stops and asks me to change places with him. I’m not adverse to this has Mo’s Wife is quite tasty. Within two minutes she’s screaming the house down and is well on her way to her fourth orgasm. I allow myself a wry smile and turn to look at Mo who says;
“And that Rubbish my old Son is how you flap a fucking towel”.
Later.