Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Poker and betting

Not much to report on the Poker front. Lost a buy in ($25) on Full Tilt over the past week. Haven't really been running that bad just lost a few decent pots and couldn't entice anyone into a pot when I was holding the nuts. Had one decent cash on Betfair and lost several more when I've either been playing when tired or haven't really cared.
Now the good news. I haven't really cared on Betfair because I've had a couple of big Footie wins. Had a little treble up on Sunday for £100 and then came the Man Utd match.
Was watching it down the pub with a few boys and half way through the first half said I'd wait until half time and then lump on Man Utd. Of course, Spurs score so I have £100 at 2.7. Then they score again and I have another £50 at 6's. Anyhow, my three mates want to have a bet on 3-2 to United so I pop in the bookies who say they can't do in running correct scores but Utd are 11/2 so I have another £100. My three tight fisted mates give me a fiver each. At 2-1 they give me another £5. At 2-2, one slips me another £15. At 3-2 the other two are begging me for a quarter share. At 5-2they're almost in tears. Of course, being the nice guy I am, I split the winnings 25%each which gives us all £162.50. I've got another £400 on top of that. Happy days.
I then get pissed as per norm and drunkenly try to lay Kenny Perry when he's about 2.5 with everyone a shot behind. Eight holes later and I'm staring at a big loss so try to trade out only to find my initial lay bet hadn't gone through. Even happier days.
Just to show that I'm really running golden I even won Dani C's effin award. Check out Effin Mom blog on the right. Brought back down to earth today though when I didn't even get a mention on Soccer Moms caption contest when I thought I'd delivered a belter. Even got snubbed by Mo and his zombie chicken award. Never mind, can't win them all.
Not sure if I'm going to have a punt tonight. Should be a cracker of a match and I secretly fancy Chelsea to pull off a shock 1-0 win. That could look a really shit statement after twenty minutes when Barca are three up mind and that's entirely possible with their forward line.
I've put my name down to go on a poker weekend with the Raise the River forum to DTD in Nottingham in a couple of months time. I know quite a lot of you Poker guys are already members there but if you're not, there's a link down the right hand side. Check it out and see what you think.
All the best.

Friday, 24 April 2009

Cat shit

Well, summer must be around the corner because I've just had to go to B & Q to buy a fly mo. Spent the last half an hour mowing the back garden and I can't believe just how much shit my two cats produce. Funnily enough, whilst I was pondering this I couldn't help but think of George Clooney. Some of you might have already guessed the link but for the others who haven't here's the story.
George used to share a house with Richard Kind when they were both struggling actors. Richard bought this kitten and every morning George used to get up early to do whatever George does early in the morning. Whilst he was up he used to clean out the litter tray and flush it down the toilet. After a few days Richard says "George, I'm really worried about the cat, he hasn't shit since I've bought it". George, spotting the opportunity for a good wind up, says nothing. Another few days go by where George cleans the litter tray without Richards knowledge. Finally he says, "that's it, I'm taking the kitten to the vets tomorrow to have him seen to". The next morning George gets up and cleans the litter tray and then takes a dump in there himself. Richard gets up, walks in the kitchen and shrieks. George saunters in and there's Richard holding this tiny kitten alongside this huge turd. He turns to George and says "fuck me, he must have been bursting, poor little thing". Classic.
One of my favourite wind ups I witnessed happened when I was eighteen. I'd had a serious leg injury and had been on crutches for a year. I started training on my own and one day bumped into a guy I had been playing Football with in the team where I had the break. We spoke for a while and he said about training with the team he was now playing for. I went training and said I wasn't going to play that season but if they were interested I would sign next season. They were an Amateur League team and pretty good so it was a good move for me. With about four games left they asked me to play and I scored a couple of times.
Most of the team were in their mid to late twenties and all lived in the same village. Several of them were mad as fuck. They had arranged an end of season tour and asked me to go. Not knowing them that well, other than they were barking, I declined saying I was skint. Our goalie, Pricko, was the worst.
We got through to the Semi's of the Amateur League cup and were playing the South Wales Police who were really good. Fifteen minutes before kick off and no sign of Pricko so the manager goes down his house and he's watching TV. The manager asks him what he's up to and Pricko says he can't play because the Police have a warrant out for his arrest. We lost that game. In another we've played about twenty minutes and Prickos got the ball and calls the Ref over. The Ref asks what's wrong and Pricko asks if he can stop the game because he's busting for a shit. The Ref says no and says he'll have to wait until half time. Pricko clears the ball and we go down field and get a corner. There's an almighty roar from the crowd as we're about to take it and everyone turns round to see Pricko having a shit behind the goals. He gets sent off and we lose that game.
Anyhow, last game of the season and we're having a few beers afterwards when Pricko asks where I want to get picked up the Friday after. I look at him bemused and say there's no game and he says no, to go on tour. I again decline saying I'm skint and he says don't worry we've all chipped in. Fuck.
We're on the bus going to Blackpool and just before you get on the M4 in Cardiff there's a huge roundabout. In the lay by there's this blonde hitching a lift. The bus stops and this girl gets on. Mid twenties, big tits, short skirt, strangely attractive. There's the usual "get your tits out" calls, mainly from Pricko and this girl walks up the bus and asks him if he's all mouth. Now Pricko wasn't called Pricko for nothing. He pulls his dick out and this girl gets on her knees and starts blowing him to huge cheers from the rest of the bus. After he shoots his muck this girl walks back down the bus and in the next lay by the driver pulls over and there's a car waiting for her. She turns around by the door and says to Pricko "not bad but not as big as this" and lifts her skirt to show us all the biggest dick I've ever seen. Pricko goes absolutely ape shit as the whole bus starts pissing themselves. The manager had exacted his revenge for Pricko getting sent off and missing the Semi Final. Fortunately the manager was hard as fuck and no one messed with him not even Pricko. Best wind up I've ever seen.
Edit - played golf today and was absolutley crap. Am now off to the last match at Ninian Park, league match that is. Todays bet is Cardiff, Chelsea, Liverpool, Man Utd, Brescia, MK Dons and Stuttgart. Good luck if you're up to anything today.

Tuesday, 21 April 2009


Quick post as I stick my head above trenches yet again and go for another accumulator. Liverpool (Arsenal already resting a couple of players and I can see a few more being dropped for tonight), Real Madrid, Chelsea (big chance to put one over Everton), Man Utd, Barcelona and Cardiff City.
Don't read too much into Cardiffs 6-0 loss on the weekend. Spoke to some boys who were up there and they reckon that Cardiff were all over Preston in the first half. Preston had two shots on target which were heavily deflected and went in and McCormack missed a pen. Even winning six nil the Preston goalie had man of the match which says something, not sure what.
£30 to get £330 back.
Put a couple of fivers on for Mo and Dani quite early on Sunday prior to team news. What a shit starting eleven Man Utd picked. It comes to something when the three most recognisable Utd players were in Everton colours. Well pleased for Neville and Howard. Totally non plussed for Saha.
Gutted about the result in 90 minutes. When you pick 1st goalscorer, correct score bets they move onto the correct score if the player nominated doesn't start. Seems a stupid rule to me and I could have voided the bets prior to kick off but I was in a pub getting pissed. Maybe put another one on before the end of the season.
Will post a bit later.
Won $64 in an MTT last night. Third place in the $500 guaranteed on Betfair. Accumulator went down but will probably have a few picks later.

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Another drunken weekend

Watched the Blues v Gloucester yesterday and what an awesome performance by Cardiff. Martyn Williams was again outstanding and deservedly picked up yet another man of the match award. I swear when that guy retires he can get pissed for a year on all the bubbly he's won as man of the match. Then watched Chelsea beat Arsenal which was a big disappointment. Crap game and Arsenal didn't look like they were that bothered to lose.
Ended up pissed as is the norm on most weekends. I've got two locals which are about 200 yards apart. In one a pint of Guinness is £2.80 and the other £2.25. The first one is a big Cardiff City pub and is heaving most nights. The latter is quite large, nice decor, does karaoke nights and all that crap and is empty five nights out of seven. Go figure. Anyhow, it was a fun night in the City pub. All the guys had gone to Preston where City had got stuffed 6-0 and all their wives had gone to Twickenham to watch the Blues. They both turned up at about the same time and all hell broke loose. All the guys sitting around the bar drowning their sorrows whilst all the women, pissed out of their heads, singing Rugby songs and generally taking the piss out of them. Great night.
Hungover, I headed to the car boot sale this morning, as is my want and had a browse. As I walked in I said to myself "do not buy any more fucking books, you've got about thirty which you haven't read yet". First stall, loads of autobiographies. I bought four. Fuck. I also got a few DVD's including Wild things which I'm watching as I type. Whatever happened to Neve Campbell?
Going out later with a few of the boys to wet one of their sons heads. He was born yesterday, six pounds four, name undecided. I remember his sister being born. Yet again we all went out and got pissed. Eventually we ended up in my mates house where I promptly crashed out on the settee. I woke up at 9.30 in the morning when I was supposed to have dropped my Daughter off at school at 8.30. The next morning when I take her to school, I'm walking through the play ground and there's a steady stream of people coming up to me saying things like "I'm glad your ok" and "good to see you're still alive." Eventually, one of the Dads comes up to me and pokes me in the ribs, laughing and says "still breathing then". I ask him "what's going on" and he tells me that the day before my Daughter was sitting in class, unusually quiet and the teacher asks her "what's the matter"? She then starts crying and blurts out that "my Daddy didn't come home last night and my Mammy said that he's probably lying dead in the gutter". Obviously this story then did the rounds and my name was mud for a few weeks. Luckily there's no school tomorrow so I don't have to worry about another rumour of my demise circulating.
My two biggest stalkers, sorry commenters Mo "mad dog" and Dani "mad cow" have been wishing me well on my latest win. As a big thank you for their continued support I've put a little bet on for them. £5 on Ronaldo to score first and Man Utd to win 1-0 at 22/1. If it wins get in touch and I'll post the winnings to you.
Off out to drink myself into oblivion.

Saturday, 18 April 2009

Golf and other things

When I was growing up I was fortunate enough to live next door to a golf club. I started playing when I was about nine and by the time I was sixteen I had a single figure handicap. A few bad injurys playing Rugby and Football meant that I gave up for a few years. I never really got back into golf until my Daughter was born and I gave up Rugby. Never really had the time though to practice and after a couple of years I drifted away from it.
A lot of the boys who I used to play with have just started back so I took the plunge this morning and joined a club. The course is pretty flat but quite tight. Perfect for an old twat like me. The last eleven holes I managed to go round with four pars, six bogeys and a double bogey. Unfortunately, the first seven holes saw me hack and thrash about fifty shots. Shot a 94 and three putted ten holes. Shocking.
My best round of golf was in France. I was on holiday and got talking to a guy in the hotel bar who told me about this course he had found. We went there the next evening and hired some clubs. Amazingly, mine were Calloways. After bogeying the first I had ten pars on the spin and then eagled a par five when I holed out from about 120 yards. Another two pars and a birdie and I'm two under after fourteen. On the fifteenth this guy pushes his ball into a line of bushes which ran parallel with the next hole. They ran about 100 yards down the fairway. As we were looking for his ball we spot about ten within a five yard radius. We ended up on our hands and knees picking up all these balls. On the next hole he does exactly the same in almost the same position. We're crouching by these bushes looking for his ball when something catches my eye. Three yards away from me, about five yards from where we had been scrambling about on our hands and knees picking up balls was this big, fuck off angry snake. It must have been about ten foot long and it raised itself up like a cobra, looking directly at me with a glint in its eye which said I'm going to fuck you up. I shat myself.
I've always been shit scared of snakes and this was the meanest fucker I've ever seen. The guy I'm playing with spots me standing there and says something which my brain couldn't register. All I could do was stand frozen to the spot stammering snake, snake, snake. Finaly he walks up to me and sees what I'm looking at. He then registers that I'm bricking it and grabs me by the shoulder and walks me backwards. I kept walking backwards all the way to the clubhouse. Two fucking under after fourteen and I suffer a nervous breakdown because of a fucking snake.
Anyhow, planning on getting an handicap and playing a bit this Summer. Hopefully will enter a few comps as well. Beats sitting in front of the computer playing poker all day, I hope.
Off out to watch the Rugby and then Arsenal v Chelsea. Should be a decent match. Have had a little bet on the following, Woves, Swansea Wycombe, Atletico, Barca and Empoli. £26 returns £300.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Another Poker post

Been grinding $0.10/0.25 cash on Full Tilt for the last couple of days and have made about $150. Lost some of that on MTT's so am about $120 up over the last two days. Also got my first incremental $20 of my $200 starting bonus and have made in roads into the second stage. I've even won an STT or two. The first time in ages. Unfortunately, after reading everybody elses blogs, I'm the only one who hasn't cashed in an MTT since Adam was a boy.
Luckily, I've worked out why I've been so shit at STT/MTT's recently.
Since I opened up my Full Tilt account I've been 2/3 tabling on cash games. I've been playing my STT/MTT's on Betfair where my game of choice is Super Turbos. Normally I do really well at them. Because of the cash games and only seven seconds to act in Super Turbos, I think I'm struggling to make the right decisions in the STT/MTT's and therefore not cashing as much as I used to when I wasn't playing cash. So, I've decided to play one or the other but not both simultaneously. Hopefully this will help me pick up a few more dollars. I might even play normal (non Super Turbo) MTT's although I get bored after an hour or so if I'm not up with the chip leaders.
I suppose only playing one MTT a night doesn't help with my strike rate. Actually, I guess my strike rate is OK but I only Final table once every ten days or so because I only play about five/seven MTT's in that time. What strike rate i.e. final tables should I be looking for? 10%? 20%? Give us a clue guys.
My Tiger lay came in thank fuck. Watching him and Phat Phil battle it out in the final round was awesome. Well pleased for Angel as well. He was 20/1 after his drive on the first play off hole. Gutted I didn't have a few quid on him. More gutted I didn't get on him after watching him saunter around Amen corner on the first day. Was amazed Kenny Perry capitulated the way he did over the last few holes. Beautiful tee shot on the sixteenth and then he plays like a sixteen handicapper for the last two holes. His approach on the second play off hole was dismal to say the least. Funny thing pressure.
Got stuck into Cardiff yesterday at nice odds. Also did Sheffield United. Twats.
Really fancied Liverpool tonight until I saw Gerrard wasn't playing. Have had an over 2.5 goals double in that match and Bayern v Barca. Come on the goals.
Edit. Fucking Barcelona. First time they haven't been involved in a game with over 2.5 goals in about seven years. Twats.

Sunday, 12 April 2009

Bad call

Bought my Mum a big fuck off new TV for her Birthday on Thursday. After setting it up I did what any loving Son would do and I watched the interactive coverage of Amen corner at Augusta. A few players played the three holes really well and I immediately put a few quid on them. Katayama looked very good as did Furyk. Gary Player actually looked the best but since he's one hundred and eight years old I gave him a miss. Angel Cabrera looked good but I didn't load up on him. Really beginning to regret that now. My lay of Tiger is hanging by a thread. He's seven shots off the lead but being Tiger could easily pick those up. I could green up but will leave it run for a while. Hopefully Furyk can get in the mix and Katayama running hot would be a God send. Guessing though it's between Perry and Angel. Hope the big guy can do it. Currently am £100 red on Woods and £25 green on everyone else, £75 on Furyk and £270 on Katayama.
Been working like a dog for the Cardiff Blues all weekend. Great result in the end mind, beating Toulouse. Downside is I'll be working next bank holiday when the Blues meet Leicester in the Semi's at the Millennium Stadium. At least the pay is decent.
Quiet time in the house as Mrs Rubbish and Daughter have gone to her Mothers for a few days. Just me and the cats plus a few Easter Eggs and Series 4 of 24. Really enjoying it. Have seen it before but can't remember what happens. Am going to play a few hands after finishing this post.
Going to nip down the local later for Poker night. Was really pissed last week and blew out early. Hopefully will fare a bit better tonight. Should be a good laugh and they'll have the Masters on. Just hope I haven't made a bad call on not greening up on Tiger.
Edit- Big Phil keeps one ahead of Tiger to win my lay bet. Don't mind who wins now.

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Some people have all the luck

My mate certainly falls into the above category not that he sees it that way.
He works as a Golf journalist for a National Daily paper. On top of that he ghost writes a column for a very famous Welsh Rugby international. When he's not at Rugby matches or travelling the World watching Golf he has the unfortunate task of having to write reports on Premiership Football matches. What a fucking inconvenience.
I was having a couple of pints with him last weekend and he was whingeing like a good one. Here's what he has had to put up with this week.
Saturday, Arsenal v Man City
Sunday, Cardiff v Swansea
Monday, flight to Spain
Yesterday, Villareal v Arsenal
Today, Barcelona v Bayern Munich
Tonight, flight to Augusta
Tomorrow through to Sunday, Masters
And he was fucking moaning because he had to go to Spain before going to the Masters.
In fairness I should point out that all Journalists who cover the Masters have their names placed in a hat and twelve of the lucky bastards who get picked get to play on one of the practice days. Obviously, if he's not there he doesn't get his name in the hat. I think he's been going for the last twelve years and still hasn't been lucky enough to get on the course. I say hasn't been lucky but the twat has been there for the last twelve years which is twelve years more than us mere mortals are going to have a chance of going.
And he had the temerity to fucking whinge about having to go and watch Barcelona. I was just sat there nodding in agreement with him whilst thinking "you fucking twat".
Worst still, he hasn't even given me a Titleist Pro V and it's not as if his house is not swimming in the fucking things.
Anyhow, rant over.
Am going to be laying Tiger and backing Kim, Ogilvy, Mcllroy and Villegas. Hopefully one of them can get in the mix by Sunday night.
To get the stakes together I've taken the kamikaze approach. I decided this morning that I would need £300 for staking and had £125 in my Betfair account. After resigning myself to having to deposit some cash I then proceded to lump on a few horses which came in. I've got a multiple tonight on Celtic, Barcelona and Cardiff and if that comes in then I don't need to deposit. If it doesn't then I was prepared to chuck some money in so I haven't really lost anything. Well, that's the way I'm looking at it.
Went shopping with the Daughter today. What a waste of time. Bought two collars for our cats and a couple of Easter eggs and that was that. My Mothers birthday is tomorrow and I still have fuck all for her. Any ideas greatly received.
Still struggling on Full Tilt and still haven't cashed in an MTT for a while but not to concerned because I'm getting my dosh in ahead of the other mugs but sucking out. Wont last forever.
Regarding yesterdays post I can confirm that the guy with the pasty wasn't being clever he really was that stupid.
Off out later to watch the Footie then may have a few more hands on FT. I'm nearing the end of stage one of getting my $200 starting deposit back. Been a bit of a grind but having played for a couple of weeks I think I've now sussed out that most of the players at micro levels are bluffers. The rest are just shit.
Have topped up on Furyk, Watney and Katayama. Am now -£100 on Woods. God help!!

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

I'm back

Jeez, has it really been a week since I last posted?
Been rough as fuck but like the good little soldier I am, I've struggled through. It hasn't helped that we've been really busy in work and I've had to work flat out. We had our year end stock check which I'm in charge of. It took four days to sort out but the good news was we posted our best ever variance figures. The bad news was I ended up not doing my own job for four days. I've spent the last five days catching up and now have the rest of the week off to spend with my little viper. Unfortunately, I had a phone call this afternoon and am now working on Friday and Saturday for the Blues. So much for a few days off.
Thursday is my Mums birthday and in a previous post I said about buying her something nice. Still haven't thought of anything yet. Come on Mums, give me a few ideas. In the same post I mentioned about watching a big Derby match. Well on Sunday I went to watch Cardiff v Swansea. Does that count?
It was actually an awesome day. My local opened at 7.30 a.m. and was heaving by eight. The game was quite eventful. Dodgy goal, even dodgier penalty, some moron hitting the ref with a coin. And that was just from a Cardiff perspective. Swansea in fairness out played Cardiff for large periods of the game and McCormacks penalty in stoppage time actually made it feel like a win. Back to the pub for a few more beers. Juventus let me down for a fair few quid but still picked up money with Man Utd grabbing a late one and Murray winning in straight sets. I finally ended up in another of my locals for poker night. Was so pissed I can't remember much other than going all in with 10s and someone turning over Ks. Cest la vie.
Haven't played a lot recently but will be having a few hours over the next few weeks. Also, haven't commented much on peoples blogs although I have been reading them in work when I've had a few minutes spare. Will be back to normal soon though and launching an all out attack on the caption comps which I always seem to come runner up in. Reckon there's an American bias and they wont let us Brits win.
Been reading Boss and Would Be's blogs about taking liberties in work. This is totally different but for some reason I thought of it as I was reading their posts. I was working in an office and there was one guy who was thick as shit. I'm not sure how he got a job there but he must have known someone. This one morning he says "I'm going down the shop does anyone want anything"? Realising I had no fags I said "get me 20 bensons but if they haven't got them I'll have anything". Ten minutes later he walks in and give me a Corned beef pasty. When I finally pick my jaw up off the floor I ask, not unreasonably, "what the fuck is this"? He looks at me as if I've just sprouted wings and says "they didn't have bensons and you said to buy you anything if they didn't". Amazingly, he isn't the stupidest twat I have had to work with but he's pretty high up the list.
Right, going to play a few hands whilst watching the footie.
All the best.