Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Manchester Utd injury crisis

Sir Alex Ferguson has confirmed that talismanic Club stalwart Howard Webb has failed a fitness test and will be unavailable for the top of the table clash with Manchester City next Monday.

At his Tuesday morning press conference Sir Alex spoke about the significant loss in such a crucial game.

"I'm gutted for the lad, I really am", Sir Alex started, "He's been inspirational for us over the last two or three seasons and has put in several man of the match performances this year. He was superb against Chelsea in our 3-3 draw and what people don't realise is he has a great engine which you need in the modern game where matches regularly last 96 or 97 minutes".

Talking of the injury, Sir Alex confirmed it was likely to end his season.

"Webby damaged his ankle ligaments against Blackburn two weeks ago and our medical staff were originally optimistic he would recover for the Derby.Unfortunately Scholesy has booted him up in the air in training and it looks like his seasons over".

Looking forward to the match Fergie hinted at a possible replacement.

"We've been looking at Atkinson in training and he could probably do a job for us and Young Foy has always performed when we've brought him in for a start but we'll probably go with Marriner". Recalling last seasons Derby Ferguson continued, "Andy has only had a few starts this season but people will remember last season when he had a blinder against City when we won 2-1 at Old Trafford".

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Olympic moments

With the olympics just around the corner I thought I'd post some of my favourite moments starting with this one. Who knew how prophetic Brendan Foster could be, correctly calling Kelly Holmes as a Dame in the making.Enjoy.

Thursday, 19 April 2012


Notice anything really unfortunate on this screen dump?

Monday, 16 April 2012

A few things to ponder

Wasn't sure if this was a bargain or not?

In fairness, if I had to describe my Mathematical ability in one word it would be fucking awful!

Just seen that Howard Webb has been put in charge of the FA Cup Final. Had £20 on Man Utd to win.

Was so drunk on Saturday I could have sworn a horse asked me if I was planning on driving home. Although now I think about it there might have been a policeman sitting on it. I was so pissed I tried to share a kebab with a tramp. Cheeky fucker told me to get my own.

After ending up in jail and getting bum fucked all night I couldn't help but think my next door neighbour takes playing Monopoly way too seriously.

Saturday, 14 April 2012

Live Poker sucks

When you read this and see that some words are underscored I haven't done that so I've no idea what horse insurance is. Anyone know how I can get rid of them?

Before we get into the poker a quick question, am I the only guy over 40 that had never heard of Tulisa Contostavlos until a month ago?
Been playing the £20 freezeout down the local casino the last couple of Friday nights and results have been poor. Last week I had Aces cracked by queens pretty much at the start of the second level. This week wasn't much better.
I'm in seat one and first hand is folded around to me, I raise, SB folds, BB calls. I C bet a 3 5 10 flop and he calls. J on the river and I throw another bet in the mix. He calls. 6 on the river and I make a pot bet. He tanks for a while before calling and showing Ace high. Embarrassingly that was good enough to take down the pot.
An hour in and I get my first pair, three people see a flop of Js 9s 5h. I've got 5's and it's folded to me so I bet about three quarters of the pot, both call. 2h on turn and again folded to me. This time I overbet the pot, both again flat. River is a disgusting 10s meaning just about every draw has now got there. First player, a ropey girl in her late twenties goes all in. I'm covered and fold.
I look at the clock and see there's five minutes before the break. I have about 6 BB's so decide to shove the last hand and fuck off to the pub if I lose. I look down at K3o and fold and the flop comes K33. Three people play and take an absolute age meaning that's the last hand. Ropey girl takes a stab at the pot and guy to her left calls. Another guy to her right also calls. 5 on the turn and Girl leads out, 1st guy shoves all in for a couple of K more, other guy flats as does the girl who then turns over AJo. All in guy mucks his hand and other guy looks down at his stack and says "I'm still in this hand". Girl then tries to turn her cards back over and everyone says that there isn't much point in doing that as we all saw what she had. River is a brick and guy value bets for a further $5k. she ponders this for a while, mumbling under her breath before calling. He shows a 5 to take down the pot and I go to the toilet to bang my head against the wall for ten minutes.
Limp into level six with 3BB and look down at K8o in the hijack. Shove and player to my left flat calls. Tricky youngster in the BB shoves over the top of him and the guy tank folds. Young kid turns over 7h3h and says, quite correctly I guess, that he's swung the odds slightly to his favour by getting the other guy out of the pot. I flop a king and get a triple up.
I survive another level and take a few uncontested pots with absolute garbage before I finally look down at a premium hand, first of the night. AKs in mid position and I raise 1500, blinds 300/600 50 ante. Guy next to me who would have taken me out had the young kid flatted earlier min raises and it's folded back to me. I've got another $8k meaning there'll be roughly $20k in the pot if he calls and I'll be back in the tourney. I shove and he insta calls with AQo and first card out is a big fucking ugly Queen of diamonds. Thank you very much and goodnight. Worst thing was my local had shut so I didn't even get to have a pint. Fffffffffffuuuuuuuuccccccck.
Anyhow, Grand National today and just so you know it will be won by a 9 or 10 year old. I'm on Seabass and Giles Cross.
In case you missed this Yorkie Pud has been commentating on this cash game in Vienna. Phil Laak had been playing for 40 straight hours when this hand took place. Guess I'm not the only one who runs bad at live poker. Don't feel sorry for him though, he won close on $200k for his mammoth efforts.

Good luck guys and catch you all later.

Tuesday, 10 April 2012