Tuesday, 4 May 2010

NPF Team poker tournament - an outline

I'm sure you all know I was heading to Newcastle last weekend for the above tournament. Well, it was a mad weekend. To write it up in one blog post would take about ten thousand words and the patience of a Saint to read in one sitting. I'm therefore going to split it into a three parter.
Before I start I might as well point out that there is only two things I'm certain of:
1. I texted Dave "No Cash" at 15.15pm on Friday from a pub in Blackpool whilst I was having my first pint of Guinness;
2. In the 63 hours that followed I was drinking for 50 of them.
Twenty years ago when I was young, dumb and full of drugs that wouldn't have been a problem. In fact it was probably happening quite regularly. These days though, I'm too old to keep up with the young bucks and by God I'm paying for it now.
But now is now and last weekend is a blurred memory of Guinness, cider, poker and laughs. I wish I had taken notes every hour and then I could have done a chronological write up which might have resembled fact. As it is I'm going from brief memories and recollections which kind of happens when you drink solidly for 50 hours.
One thing I do remember though is the amount of effort the Newcastle Poker Forum went into making the event a great one. I'd also like to thank Mik from Raise the River for inviting me.
The tournament was an outstanding financial success for me as I'm now in a position to lease my name to the other nine members of the RTR team who managed, along with myself, to score the massive sum of zero points. Quite a few people there reckoned we were fortunate to have got zero. One thing is for certain, I'm there next year if invited.
Anyhow, I'll be posting what I can recall over the next few days. I met quite a lot of people and was pleasantly surprised to find that a few of them read this shit regularly and actually seem to enjoy it. The reports will take in twelve hours in Blackpool that I can't remember, a twenty one hour drinking session spoilt only by a game of poker and a further seventeen and a half hour session in which I won and lost some money. Interspersed in all this frantic drinking is a poker tournament, a three foot midget painted from head to toe in blue and dressed up as smurf, Paul Gascoigne, lap dancers, fights, seventeen Premier Inns, Snake cashing, getting hopelessly lost in Scotland (DoV), rimming, one liners, last longer bets which I may or may not be able to talk about (Mike, Lou?), dildos, personal hygiene issues, a Woman with the biggest box ever, bouncers with no sense of humour and a whole lot more. Strangely there were no guns involved.
Stay tuned.


  1. Hahahah, you have to publish Mike and lou's last longer bet, quality fella!!

    Roll on the next one.

  2. Did anyone toss the midget? It's a good healthy exercise.

  3. There was midget tossing?

  4. People like this rubbish?



    Was Gazza actually there?

  5. No reports on the last longer bets please - LOL. Pleasure to meet you sir :-) Mike

  6. Snake - see comment five
    GB - no
    Jan - no
    Mo - yes and yes
    Mike & Lou - okay, spoil sports.

  7. Good to see you got home in one piece mate?

    Class weekend, can't wait to hear your version lol.

    Just reading the last bit has brought back alot of things I had totally forgot!! Everywhere we stumbled resulted in one comedy/bizarre situ after another.

  8. cant wait get the fkn posts done asap.

    didnt realise it was you but you were sat to my right on your 2nd table of the day. you made some great folds.

    infact you folded every hand!!!lol

    love the blog mate its mint n cya next year if not before