Monday, 11 January 2010

Poker and understanding Female speak

Poker has been quite shite recently. Won a couple of hundred playing cash, broke even on STT’s and down about a ton on MTT’s. I’ve gone deep in a couple of tourneys but haven’t made a final table so far in 2010. Must try harder.
Had one ridiculous beat last week when my Ac Qc Jd 9d failed to get home on a Kc 10d 8c flop and some plum who had re raised me all in won with a pair of tens.
Saw a classic earlier on the same table when I folded Jx 10x 9x 8x on a Kx Kx Ax flop and two players got it all in only for an Ace to come on the river giving one quad kings and the other quad aces, Totally sick.
You’ve probably noticed these plastered all over everyone’s blogs so here is mine.
Online Poker

The WBCOOP is a free online Poker tournament open to all Bloggers, so register on WBCOOP to play.

Also, Full Tilt have their FTOP’s running in Feb. Buy ins are too big for me but I’m going to try and satellite into a couple of them over the next few weeks.
One good thing to happen recently is my Wii fit age has reduced drastically. I’m now a year younger than I actually am which is bugging my Wife and Daughter no end. The three of us have been playing on it most evenings and it’s starting to get quite competitive. Last week My Daughter was off school due to the snow so my Missus took a couple of days off. Got home one evening and the pair of them had top scored on every game. I’ve managed to claw back top spot on the obstacle course and a few of the balance games but the witches are on it as soon as my back is turned.
I guess I shouldn’t be so competitive especially with my Daughter but I’ve never been known for being an ideal Dad. I remember the first time I had to bathe her. My Missus came in half way through and caught me swishing her around the bath with a big stick.
“You don’t bathe a baby with a stick” she screamed at me.
“You do when the water is this fucking hot” I argued.
“Argued” isn’t really the correct word though as I learnt a long time ago that arguing with my Missus is futile. Here’s what I have learnt in thirteen years of Marriage.
“Fine” – this is a word my Wife uses to end an argument when she is right and I need to shut up.
“Five minutes” – If she is getting dressed this means one hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if I have been given five more minutes to watch the game before cooking dinner.
“Nothing” – This is the calm before the storm. “Nothing” definitely means something and I need to be on my toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”.
“Go ahead” – This is a dare not permission. I try not to accept but when I do the last word I hear before leaving the house is “Fine”.
“Loud sigh” – This is actually a word and is a non verbal statement often misunderstood by me. A “loud sigh” means she thinks I’m an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with me about “nothing”.
“That’s okay” – This is one of the most dangerous statements my Wife will make. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding on how and when I will pay for my mistake.
“Whatever” – This is Her way of saying “fuck you”.
“Thanks” – My Wife is actually thanking me. I never question her or faint, I just say “you’re welcome”. “Thanks a lot” is totally different. “Thanks a lot” is pure sarcasm and she is not thanking me at all. I never, ever answer “Thanks a lot” with “you’re welcome” as this results in a “Whatever”.
“Don’t worry, I’ll do it” – Another one of the most dangerous statements my Missus can utter. This is used when she has told me to do something several times but is now doing it herself. This usually results in me asking “What’s wrong?”. For my Wife’s response re-read “Nothing”.
Hope this helps someone.


  1. I see a couple in there that I seem to use a lot. I hate to be so predictable, I think now I will switch it all up just to keep Ant on his toes. Thanks for the heads up! ;)

  2. Class mate. So true its scarey. I tend to avoid conversation though :) Stops me having to think.

  3. Wow, my missus and your missus must be related!!

  4. The loud sigh is good for the husband - a release of tension without violence. Like gently deflating a balloon.

  5. Of course, when she says “Don’t worry, I’ll do it” there are a couple of great responses that you could try out for me in some sort of unfortunate (for you) experiment.

    "Good for you"
    "That's okay"

    In fact, by using her (and these are pretty typical for all women I reckon) typical responses you will mess with her mind. And get yourself a slap.

  6. You could write a marriage handbook for men, my friend. We'll bundle it with my cookbook and make everyone happy. :)

  7. Been there,said that,got the earfull......or the silent treatment for ages!!!!!!

  8. The silent treatment is definitely the worst - as you are never sure if you have done anything right or wrong!!

  9. Just asked my missus what was wrong.
    "Nothing" she said.