Saturday, 3 July 2010

The Big G

My mate Big G got married recently after going out with his Missus for sixteen years. Why? Fuck knows.
For his stag weekend we went here. Before you click on the link though carry on reading and see if you can guess what we did.
To be honest I didn’t want to do it. If I wanted to be scared shitless I would have looked at Mrs Rubbish naked. But it was G’s day so I went along like a brave little soldier. Twenty of us turned up with about eighteen of us wanting to go straight to a bar. G’s Brother didn’t help after telling everyone that the last time he had been here two people had been rushed to Hospital, one with a broken leg and the other with a fractured skull.
We split into four groups of five and our instructor made a great job of making matters worse. I was with G, Dave, G’s brother and his mate who was an enforcer for some drug baron in North Wales. The first thing our instructor says is “be prepared for all your worst fears to come true. I’m not going to lie to you, you’re all going in and it’s going to get messy. You need to listen to what I’m going to tell you because it may save you or your mate’s lives”.
He then gave us our instructions for the next two hours. When he barked them out we needed to follow them to the word or face the worst. To make matters worse we weren’t alone. The British Olympic hopefuls were there and everything was ramped up fully for their benefit.
The next two hours flew by. It was one of the best mornings I’ve ever had. We all went in several times but luckily no one got hurt. The Olympic crew were awesome to watch. At one point our instructor rammed one of them who was in severe difficulty to flip them over the right way. The course has jets which go from one to sixteen, we were on fourteen. It was frightening but exhilarating. If you ever get a chance then go, it’s a blast.
Did you guess where we went and what we did?
Yeah right.
White water rafting costs £40 for two hours and it’s the best £40 I’ve spent, except that one time in Prague but that’s another story. If you’re ever in Cardiff for a stag weekend or down for the Rugby and have a few hours to kill then I highly recommend giving this a whirl. The Olympians by the way were the canoeing hopefuls and the one that we flipped over by ramming him was under water for about thirty seconds. It’s that tough in places, even for guys who do this at Olympic standard.
The rest of a day was a real blast. A few guys who I haven’t seen for several years turned up and we did a bit of damage around Cardiff Bay. We finally ended up in our local where we drank until it was light and the Landlord cooked us breakfast. Happy days.
In the wedding G’s brother made a speech which was pretty cool and he told everyone about his Mums worst day with them all.
G has two elder brothers, both top blokes. The story revolved around G when he was still in school. He was sixteen at the time but was one of the best Rugby players around and there were maybe five or six boys of his age who all the top teams were looking at. Dave was actually one of the others. Anyway, G’s eldest brother who was a playing first class had just been layed up with a serious knee injury. There was talk that he might not play again and certainly no chance of playing first class or for Wales. Luckily this proved to be complete crap and he played thirty odd times for Wales but at the time it was really serious. G’s middle brother was playing the next tier down and due to a successful TV career, didn’t want to go any further.
The coach of the club he played for had watched G and wanted to get him before the big clubs landed him so he pitched up at G’s house and started sweet talking G’s Mum. She was dead against G playing at such a high standard at his age but his eldest Brother had played under this coach and put a word in. The fact that the middle Brother was also playing for the team swung it and G made his debut, much against his Mum’s better judgement, versus Bridgend.
Bridgend were rammed with International players and G’s opposite number was the open side flanker for Wales at that time. The game was quite nasty and mid way through the first half this guy took G out from behind, breaking his jaw in two places. G’s brother saw what happened and went for the guy. A huge fight broke out and G’s brother got knocked out in the melee.
G’s Mum was sat at home with the eldest Brother when the phone rang. A barely audible and murmuring G spoke first.
“Now don’t worry Mam but I’m at the hospital and my jaws broken”.
“I knew it; I knew I shouldn’t have let you play. You’re far too young to be playing at the level. Never again. I’m coming down there now”.
“No don’t come down Mam, I’m okay and Marks here”.
“Okay put Mark on the phone”.
“I can’t, he’s having a brain scan”.
Kids, who would have them?

Anyhow, Snake, DoV, No Cash, Mr O, any chance you lazy fuckers are going to update your blogs any time soon?


  1. And there was I thinking you'd gone to a lap-dancing club.

  2. Nice. I'm just waiting to get those phone calls from my own kids.

  3. I was going for canoeing, so not too far away.

    I will try and update the blog this week, I am such a lazee fooker.

  4. Ha, we dont all have good stories to tell like you mate....ohhh the boring grind of life! Reckon I need to come to visit you for some fun ;) You not playing much recently btw?

  5. One helluva stag party - was it perchance, the women's Olympic team and were they naked?

    Not that I even knew white water rafting (which I've done, and you're right - it's a lot of fun) was an Olympic sport...

  6. Hi GB - lap dancing? Moi?
    Jan - the canoeig hopefulls were there, it's an olympic canoeing course as well as white water rafting.
    Mr O - I've been playing a bit on Stars. Where are you for the bloggerment and RTR games?
    Snake - stap being a lazy fooker - where's all your Thailand stories?
    Stumpy - cheers
    Capt. Three of them, you've got no chance.

  7. Aw I think that's an awesome party! Anyway hilarious post

  8. Mate, no roll to speak of...been playing micro 6 max trying to build up a little but the amount I play it takes a while lol

  9. I will update an some point. Just can't be fucking arsed at the minute.

    Cardiff sounds ace - I think a trip there is in order.

  10. That looks absolutely amazing!! It's my mates stag do in a couple of months - I'll 100% be telling my mate who's organising to take us there. Quality.

  11. I've always wanted to go white water rafting. I think I'd be ok with breaking my own bone, because I'd likely pass out. But if I had to hear/see someone else get their bones broken - I'd die. Just die.

    Loved the story.

  12. i visited your blog and found it very nice. So thanks for sharing your personal information. Keep it up