Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Is there something wrong with me?

Tennyson ee Hemingway wrote a post a few days ago which got me thinking, is there something wrong with me? Here's the post in question. You should read it before you read the rest of this.
I've read it a couple of times now and also the comments and I'm guessing there is.
Basically, I've probably lived well over half my life (given that I don't take very good care of myself) and have absolutely no Female friends whatsoever. Is this strange?
Before you all answer this let me tell you about my background.
I was born in a small mining village in the Welsh Valleys. My best friend was born next door to me. His Mum is my Godmother. My Mum is his Godmother. I'm his Sons Godfather. He's my Daughters Godfather. I was best man in his wedding. He was best man in mine. I went to a small primary school when I was three. There were ten of us in my class, five boys, five girls. Apart from one boy who moved away during secondary school, I still see all the other boys when I pop home to see my Mum. I haven't seen any of the girls for years. Our school was so small I had to play for the Football team when I was seven. That year we won the school league and I still have the trophy I was presented with.
My best mate and I went to a boys only Grammar school when we were eleven. I played for the schools Football, Rugby and Cricket teams. I was also fortunate to have been brought up next to a Golf Course so have played Golf since I was ten.
During School I also had trials for the Welsh Schools Rugby team and Bristol City Football Club. Needless to say, seeing as I was in an all boys school, all my school friends were male. All my friends I socialised with outside school i.e. Rugby, Football etc. were male.
During my twenties and early thirties I trained four times a week and played Rugby on a Saturday and Football on a Sunday. Spookily, all my friends during this period of my life were Male.
Since I was seven years old, sport has been the biggest single factor in my life. Christ, I even worked for the Welsh Rugby Union for twelve years. I've got countless friends and they're all sport playing, Cider drinking Men.
At this point I suppose you're all wondering whether I've actually talked to a Woman since I left Primary School. And I guess this is the crux of it all.
I'll just point out that I'm not a good looking guy. All the guys from the RTR forum who have met me will vouch for that. But I have lots of qualities that Women like. I'm endearing, generous, witty, intelligent, charming, well read and I have a big dick! I open doors for Women as they walk into a room. I'll listen intently for hours on end about anything they wish to talk about. I'll pay them compliments and actually mean them. I was incredibly good at charming Women into bed. But inevitably after a night or a few days or even a month, I would run out of something to say because all I was really thinking about was who Arsenal would start with up front on Saturday.
And that's why I don't have any Female friends. I'm shallow.
And Men don't mind shallow especially Sports loving, cider drinking Men.
Then one day I met my Wife. I've never worked out why she married me. You'll all be stunned to learn that she is incredibly attractive. She's also very intelligent and has a top job. She's a published poet and an accomplished painter. We have nothing in common other than our Daughter yet we'll probably grow old together, her reading a book, me watching sport until I pop my clogs. She's the only Woman that I've been able to just sit with in silence and not rack my brains for something to say. And if I start talking about sport she nods and feigns interest in the same way that I do when she's talking about shite that I have no interest in. Maybe she's shallow as well? Maybe we're just well suited? Most of you would call her a Saint if you knew us. I count my lucky stars every day that we're together, fourteen years and counting. The only thing I can think of as to why we're still Married is that she must have lost a bet? The one thing I do know is that she's the only Woman I would call a friend.
Anyhow, is there something wrong with me? Feel free to leave a comment. I've got to go out now. I'm meeting my mate Sarah for a pint. I know she's female but she doesn't count because she's Australian.


  1. When I saw the title of this post, my first thought was, "You're joking, right?" Of COURSE there's something wrong with you - you have a (large, so you say) penis.

    Oh, come on, Rubbish - there's nothing wrong with you. You're just a man's man. You have a lovely wife who apparently loves and appreciates you, despite - or probably because of - that. Frankly, I think you and I would get along just fine in real life - I absolutely love manly men and would sit and just listen to you carry on about arcane British sports and poker all day long.

  2. You are a one woman man. Nothing wrong with that.

    I could be vulgar and make reference to your own reference of your big dick, but wouldn't that make me shallow, too?

  3. he does NOT have a big dick ....


    fucking luckbox ex-roomie .... *)

  4. No mate, nothing wrong with you, apart from being Welsh and drinking cider. If you can sort those things out and drink real beer then you'll be alright...

    You know you're my favourite blogger right? Well you are. I just knicked a couple of awesome German beer glasses and I'd give you one if you wouldn't fill it with apple juice...

  5. Nope nothing wrong with you either..we like who we like, can't help that.

  6. I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with you. As I mentioned in my post, I'm quite envious of the fact that you have male friends that you can go out with and do all that blokey stuff that just doesn't sit well with me. I can do it, but I can't do it consistently. I feel about my wife, the same way you feel about yours. She's my best friend and always will be. I can't see growing old with anyone else and that makes me happy. I still think there's probably more wrong with me than you. For some reason, blokes just don't like me.

  7. hmm there is a certain aspect for a man that what is the point in a friendship with a woman if neither of you are interested in having sex with eachother. Normally you will find that in an intersexual friendship that one of them fancy the other. Meh what do i know.

  8. Thanks for the comments guys.
    OWO - Ha straight back at ya
    Jan - nothing arcane about Rugby
    CG - Yeah, don't stoop to my level for Gawds sake
    Dd - I thought I saw you spying on me in the shower
    Harmony - cheers
    Mo - Can't change the Welsh part - don't like beer after a day out on Brains SA.
    TeH - I'm sure we'd get along just fine.
    Ant - Know where you're coming from
    All the best guys

  9. Tbh I thought I was reading about myself, so definitely nothing wrong with ya ... I hope ;-)

    Jim Davidson said about women "If we couldn't fuck em, we wouldn't even speak to em". He has a point, they are a completely different species. I've also heard them referred to as 'snakes with tits' :-)

  10. I AM and woman and I have only 3 female friends. Well, what I can count as friends. I have many aquaintances of both sexes. Haha I said sex!

    If I were you I wouldn't hang with women either. They talk about make up and jewelry and crap like that. I pick football over Greys Anatomy so I don't think I count as a woman anymore.

  11. Obviously, you should have stopped at the sentence that has "man" and "cider drinking" in it. Then gone back and re-edited your post to "There is something wrong with me! All me friends and I are women!! CIDER women.

    @ dD lol (Want to see those sneaky snaps)

  12. Very deep rubbish....but at the risk of sounding like a "bloke"...you know this will encourage all aforementioned RTR'ers to take the piss at the next DTD event dont you? ;)

  13. Pure quality mate
    as long as they watch loose women and dont understand the offside rule its all good :)