Tennyson ee Hemingway wrote a post a few days ago which got me thinking, is there something wrong with me? Here's the post in question. You should read it before you read the rest of this.
I've read it a couple of times now and also the comments and I'm guessing there is.
Basically, I've probably lived well over half my life (given that I don't take very good care of myself) and have absolutely no Female friends whatsoever. Is this strange?
Before you all answer this let me tell you about my background.
I was born in a small mining village in the Welsh Valleys. My best friend was born next door to me. His Mum is my Godmother. My Mum is his Godmother. I'm his Sons Godfather. He's my Daughters Godfather. I was best man in his wedding. He was best man in mine. I went to a small primary school when I was three. There were ten of us in my class, five boys, five girls. Apart from one boy who moved away during secondary school, I still see all the other boys when I pop home to see my Mum. I haven't seen any of the girls for years. Our school was so small I had to play for the Football team when I was seven. That year we won the school league and I still have the trophy I was presented with.
My best mate and I went to a boys only Grammar school when we were eleven. I played for the schools Football, Rugby and Cricket teams. I was also fortunate to have been brought up next to a Golf Course so have played Golf since I was ten.
During School I also had trials for the Welsh Schools Rugby team and Bristol City Football Club. Needless to say, seeing as I was in an all boys school, all my school friends were male. All my friends I socialised with outside school i.e. Rugby, Football etc. were male.
During my twenties and early thirties I trained four times a week and played Rugby on a Saturday and Football on a Sunday. Spookily, all my friends during this period of my life were Male.
Since I was seven years old, sport has been the biggest single factor in my life. Christ, I even worked for the Welsh Rugby Union for twelve years. I've got countless friends and they're all sport playing, Cider drinking Men.
At this point I suppose you're all wondering whether I've actually talked to a Woman since I left Primary School. And I guess this is the crux of it all.
I'll just point out that I'm not a good looking guy. All the guys from the RTR forum who have met me will vouch for that. But I have lots of qualities that Women like. I'm endearing, generous, witty, intelligent, charming, well read and I have a big dick! I open doors for Women as they walk into a room. I'll listen intently for hours on end about anything they wish to talk about. I'll pay them compliments and actually mean them. I was incredibly good at charming Women into bed. But inevitably after a night or a few days or even a month, I would run out of something to say because all I was really thinking about was who Arsenal would start with up front on Saturday.
And that's why I don't have any Female friends. I'm shallow.
And Men don't mind shallow especially Sports loving, cider drinking Men.
Then one day I met my Wife. I've never worked out why she married me. You'll all be stunned to learn that she is incredibly attractive. She's also very intelligent and has a top job. She's a published poet and an accomplished painter. We have nothing in common other than our Daughter yet we'll probably grow old together, her reading a book, me watching sport until I pop my clogs. She's the only Woman that I've been able to just sit with in silence and not rack my brains for something to say. And if I start talking about sport she nods and feigns interest in the same way that I do when she's talking about shite that I have no interest in. Maybe she's shallow as well? Maybe we're just well suited? Most of you would call her a Saint if you knew us. I count my lucky stars every day that we're together, fourteen years and counting. The only thing I can think of as to why we're still Married is that she must have lost a bet? The one thing I do know is that she's the only Woman I would call a friend.
Anyhow, is there something wrong with me? Feel free to leave a comment. I've got to go out now. I'm meeting my mate Sarah for a pint. I know she's female but she doesn't count because she's Australian.