Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Random Rubbish again

"ONE pound a week will supply water for an entire village in Tanzania", says Oxfam. So how come Welsh Water charge me twenty pounds a month for my four bedroom semi? The fleecing bastards.

How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my Daughter's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor.

I was shocked to hear Home Secretary Jacqui Smith say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of.

What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that!

Why is it that pubs won't serve me if I'm drunk, but McDonalds continue serving them fat fuckers? It’s hardly fair.

The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn't tasted Tesco's own cheddar.

They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local.

If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Newcastle received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?

Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand Canyon on a 700 foot bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous thing she has ever done. She must be forgetting that she went out with Stan Collymore.

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink.

Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

35 comments:

  1. Okay, Rubbage, by the time I got to "If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Newcastle received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?" I could barely breathe, I was laughing so hard.

    Hardly fair, my friend. Hardly fair.

    But I'm glad to see you're feeling better.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Why is it that pubs won't serve me if I'm drunk, but McDonalds continue serving them fat fuckers? It’s hardly fair."

    I've come to the conclusion that life is not fair.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, geez, between the part about Dr.Dre and your really old mom, I am practically crying. Nicely done!

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  4. Pissing in the sink? Thanks. I'll try that and let you know how it works.

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  5. I would like to subscribe to your pamphlet and/or manifesto.

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  6. Glad I brought a smile to your face folks and yes, I'm feeling much better now.

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  7. Pithy working-class wisdom. What are girls' bottoms like in Cardiff?

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  8. The issue with the sink is that if you're caught you're dead. I used to do that at university, never got caught, but let it slip in conversation once and wish I hadn't!

    Welsh Water sound fantastic, you should try over here mate. More like 35 quid a month and the bastards waste half the water through leaking pipes underground.

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  9. Hi Rubbish,

    I got the dvds!
    thanks so much.
    I'll be sure to pass it on when i'm done.
    care package from America?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Very well done, Sir. I often wonder the same thing regarding pubs and McDonald's. However, if my boyfriend ever pissed in the sink instead of the toilet, I don't think I would ever be washing my hands in said sink again. Certainly not until it had been properly scrubbed four times with an entire bottle of Comet.

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  11. Note to self: carry broom in car, make next guy in my life piss in sink to avoid "loo" problem

    ReplyDelete
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  13. Nice work dude.. I love the blog..Pissing in the sink? hmm.....guess i have to try it once.

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  14. You're water bills are outrageous. Then again I haven't looked at my water bill in over a year, but i don't think it's that much! You live right next to the fucking ocean for gods sake!

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  15. Hmm... utter sh1te... but strangely compelling...

    More please!

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