"ONE pound a week will supply water for an entire village in Tanzania", says Oxfam. So how come Welsh Water charge me twenty pounds a month for my four bedroom semi? The fleecing bastards.
How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my Daughter's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor.
I was shocked to hear Home Secretary Jacqui Smith say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of.
What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that!
Why is it that pubs won't serve me if I'm drunk, but McDonalds continue serving them fat fuckers? It’s hardly fair.
The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn't tasted Tesco's own cheddar.
They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local.
If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Newcastle received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?
Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand Canyon on a 700 foot bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous thing she has ever done. She must be forgetting that she went out with Stan Collymore.
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink.
Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.