Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Life on Mars

After yesterdays plug which I was nicely recompensed for, here’s one I’m doing for free.
I absolutely love http://www.amazon.co.uk/. For the past three months I’ve been buying DVD’s non stop. I’ve got all the 24 box sets, most of the Sopranos, a couple of Lost and some of the Wire amongst others.
Last week I bought Band of Brothers which must be one of the greatest programmes ever made for TV. I also bought Life on Mars which I had never seen. What a really good programme.
I watched the first series on the weekend and on Monday bought the second series from Amazon. Lo and behold, it turned up this morning. Wicked service.
Whilst watching the first series there were two moments that reminded me of my teenage years. I’ll just point out that I wasn’t a teen in 1973 but you’ll see why they reminded me of those days when I was young, dumb and full of cum.
The first one was a scene with a couple of hippies and in the background “Silver Machine” by Hawkwind was playing. I haven’t heard that song for years but when I was about fifteen I used to hear it every night. I was going out with this girl at the time who I suppose was my first real girlfriend. Her Mum used to work evenings and her Dad was always down the pub so we used to adjourn to her bedroom and shag like bunnies. Her brother, a real pot head, used to be in the next bedroom and would play “Silver Machine” over and over again, sometimes for a couple of hours. Fuck knows why. I’m not sure if he could hear something in that song that no one else could.
As soon as I heard it I immediately thought of her, something I hadn’t done in a very long time.
The second scene that reminded me of my younger days was when Sam Tyler woke up, handcuffed to the bed. I think I was seventeen at the time and going out with this girl who was taking her A levels. It must have been about June and has she was off school and I had a day off, I went around her house. It was quite early in the morning, 10 ish, and I was pestering her to have a potch about. She wasn’t having any of it has she was trying to study for her exams so finally she asks if I fancy getting tied up. I indeed fancied the idea and was bollock naked faster than Jordan in a photo shoot. Five minutes later I’m tied to the bed and she gets up and walks out. One minute later I hear the front door close.
Luckily, in my younger days, I was like an hamster and could sleep for twenty three hours on the trot. After trying to free myself and failing, I closed my eyes and crashed out. A while later I woke to hear the front door close. I then cringed as I heard her Mother call up the stairs. Oh fuck. Maybe a minute passed and then I heard her Mother start climbing the stairs still calling her name. I looked down at myself tied to the bed and thought “why me”?
Her Mother must have been two thirds of the way up when I heard the front door open again and my psycho girlfriend walk in and start talking to her. She slowly walked back down the stairs and I breathed a sigh of relief.
I then lay there for another couple of hours before the front door opened again and in walked her Dad. It was only then that I realised it was gone six and I’d been there for eight hours. Furthermore, I was busting for a piss. The more I thought about it the more I was convinced that I was going to piss all over the bed. Finally she walks in and puts her finger to her mouth and starts to untie me. I tell her I have to have a piss and she says no, you’ve got to climb out of the window. I get dressed and shimmy down the drain pipe before pissing like a Stallion for ten minutes all over her Mums prize Roses. I got my own back on her though but that’s another story.


  1. Great story.Looking forward to the revenge tale.

  2. "bollock naked faster than Jordan in a photo shoot" and "pissing like a Stallion", pure brilliance.

    Funniest thing I've read in a long time. Can't wait for the revenge tale.

  3. Life on Mars was a top series mate...nostalgia fix for us oldies ;) If you liked that then check out Ashes to Ashes...sequel based in the 80s...being my era its even better :D

  4. Hilarious! Though...what a horrible girlfriend.