Tuesday, 12 May 2009

Moms blog prompt Tuesday

San diego mommas blog which is on the Moms blog list does this writing thing where she starts off and you finish. I'm bored and thought why not, so here's mine. It didn't take long to write because this actually happened to me last year.

“What are you doing here?” I hadn’t thought to knock.
Aaron raised his head from the table. His eyes wouldn’t meet mine. “We need to talk.”

Fuck me I thought, why is Aaron Spelling in my kitchen and more to the point isn't he dead? He was dead and so was Adolf Hitler who was cooking a Chicken Super Noodle in my Microwave. "Guten Morgen", Adolf waved a cursory greeting in my general direction. Ghengis Khan was less pleasant and he was eating my wheety bangs and drinking my finest Columbian. "Call this coffee" he spat, "tastes like Yaks piss". Marilyn Monroe pinched JFK's bum and giggled. JFK pinched Adolfs bum and whispered "Ich bien ein Berliner" in his ear. Marilyn giggled some more. Henry VIII was stood in front of the fridge eating all my chicken drumsticks. Fat bastard.
I rubbed my eyes in disbelief and when I reopened them they were all gone. Had I dreamt it. They all looked so real.
I immediately rang my mate who is a part time exorcist and he came straight over. After recalling the events of the previous hour my mate opened my fridge door and gasped. I peered over his shoulder and a shaft of light pierced through the iceberg lettuce and two day old milk.
"What is it" I whispered. He slammed the door and grabbed me by my shoulders.
"You've got a portal to the afterlife in your fridge and ghosts are coming through it at night to do fuck knows what".
"Shit" I thought and then I said it. "Shit, what can I do"?
My mates eyes widened and he did that thing with his hands that Plumbers do when they're about to quote you for a burst pipe.
"Hmmmm, well it's quite a tricky job and it's going to cost you but there are two things that I can do, one is quite expensive the other isn't".
"Go on" I said.
"Well, I've got a book of ancient incantations in the house and I could summon Thor the Norse God of Thunder who will stand guard with his mighty hammer and dispel all intruders. It would take me all weekend to do and you'd have to pay me up front".
I stood there looking at him in astonishment and wonder. Finally I astonishedly wondered out loud how much that would cost.
"£500,000 grand for you mate and that's a price for a friend".
"Oh" I said, "and the cheap option"?
"Well, I could knock a bit of plywood up which would cost you a tenner"

Bad night on the table yesterday but a good night on the Footie after I backed Newcastle at 1-0 down. Layed some off about a minute before they scored their third which was a bummer.
Should make my next intremental bonus on FT tonight and might play a couple of STT's on Betfair.


  1. Mate that post is hilarious. Loved it. Beyond belief. I have let San Diego Momma know you posted!

  2. Cheers mate, glad you liked.

  3. Seriously? That EXACT thing happened to me last year, too!

    I went with the plywood. You?

  4. Dang...hate it when that happens! Ghengis Khan smells the place up terrible too.

  5. This is hilarious!! I love it. I was trying to take a different aspect of the prompt, but couldn't break out of the conventional shit. You went there all right!!

    Thank you for making me laugh! Fantastic!

  6. Hilarious! How awkward would it be to have Thor running amuck through your house? Sure sure he is suppose to stand guard and keep the spirits out, but Gods are easily sidetracked and suffer from superiority issues. Soon enough he'll having cooking and picking up his dry cleaning.

  7. OMG HILARIOUS! I got here from Mo. Happy I came to visit!

  8. Well, I knew these famous people. Great stuff. I like the way your imagination rolls.

  9. Here from mo's place - this is too funny!

    What the hell are wheety bangs? Is that like Wheaties to us Yanks?

  10. Slain. I was a zombie when I read this. Now I am un-un-dead. Thanks for that.

    You are one funny man! Thanks for sharing. :)

  11. Hi guys,
    Glad you liked. Will make sure that I will pop over to your blogs when I get five minutes.

  12. Over from mo.stoneskin for a visit. Very funny, you.

  13. This is a hoot! Thanks to Mo for sending me over!