Glasgow: Guinness, Girls and Golf

Had a damn good go at drinking my own body weight in Guinness but came up just short.
Got to Glasgow about five on Friday evening and booked into Hotel Strangeways. Quick change and fifteen of us jumped over the wall and headed to the nearest pub.
Several Guinness later and we ended up in a bar called Madness http://www.madnesstof.com/. Check the site out. Cracking laugh with the highlight being naked Elvis who did everything it says on the tin. The ladies were quite welcoming as well although yours truly ended up drunkedly tunneling back into our shithole of an hotel to continue his bird.
Saturday started at ten thirty and the buzz circle was in full flow by eleven. Usual rules apply but there was a twist which entailed repeat offenders having to drink a long pour which means downing a pint with their arm entirely straight. Go on, get a pint of water and try it, you know you want to.
After a few hours of this we headed to http://www.thegolflounge.co.uk/. What a brilliant place and with two of the sweetest barmaids I've ever seen. We played Pebble Beach which was cool though putting was quite weird. Quick Chinese and then a pub crawl around the Central Station area. Don't really remember much about Saturday night other than I froze my bollocks off and was in danger of pulling a bird Plug would have been proud of before coming to my senses and speed wobbling home. It was so cold in the last bar I was in a penguin walked in. He walked up to the barman and said "has my brother been in"? The barman looked at him and asked "what's he look like"?
Sunday was strange. Sat in a bar about eleven ish having breakfast and the barmaid reckoned we couldn't have a beer until twelve thirty. As we were flying at three we headed to the airport and drank in the departure lounge whilst watching Nadal V Fed. Few more Guinness back in Cardiff and then home to die.
Funniest thing happened early on the Saturday evening. We were in this really rough pub and there were these three guys drinking at the bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points to the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your Mom's the best lay in town!" We were all thinking wow but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders up to the end of the bar. Ten minutes later the drunk comes back, points to the same guy and says, "I just screwed your mom and it was really sw-e-et!" I'm thinking fucking hell but again the guy refuses to take the bait and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me stick it up her arse. Finally the guy interrupts, "Go home, Dad---you're pissed again!"
Later.